Good evening my friends!!
I hope you enjoy my quick update! 🙂
Today marks 8 days before my reconstructive surgery, and while my expansion has taken much longer than I had originally anticipated, I couldn’t be happier with where I am today. My surgeon has been amazing throughout this process, and frequently reminded me to be patient, when what I wanted most was to be done with this phase in my journey.
Now that the day is just around the corner, I’m beginning to feel a bit anxious. Ironically enough, I don’t feel worried about the surgery at all. It certainly isn’t the first time for me, and I’m looking forward to feeling more comfortable with my new implants.
What I am feeling now however, subconsciously taps into a previous feeling. It’s a feeling of “loss”. The memory of having “lost” my natural breast a year ago is hijacking my brain, and is now reenacting that loss with the upcoming removal of my expanders. It’s an interesting observation, and I wonder if other women have or are experiencing this feeling of “loss” a second time around too.
Nevertheless, I feel extremely blessed to be here a year later, cancer free, and ready to move forward with my reconstruction. I plan to keep everyone posted with videos and posts so keep an eye out for my pre-op and post-op updates! 😉
I was so incredibly amazed by how real my new nipple prosthesis’s looked, that I just had to share!!
I recommend this product to any woman that is looking for an alternative to nipple reconstruction, or to use until they are ready for surgery, which is what I’ve chosen to do. It felt so incredibly amazing to have them on, and see just how natural they look!
I put them on, and it was like an instant boost of confidence!! It’s not that I disliked looking at myself or was ashamed of my scares. It was more the feeling that something was missing.
I am beyond grateful to Michelle Kolath-Arbel for dedicating her efforts to providing women everywhere an opportunity to feel whole again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. xoxo
Elizabeth 🙂 ❤
Click here to learn more about Pink Perfect! 🙂
Before I talk about what is currently happening, it’s important that I bring you up to speed with what has occurred over the last month. I’ve provided a brief summary below for your reading pleasure. 😉
- I was informed in February that my AST and ALT exam (commonly referred to as liver function test) returned with abnormally high readings. I was then asked to stop my medications temporarily, to give my liver time to recover from the side effects of the injections and oral medication I was taking.
- I also had a CT scan of the abdomen, full body PET scan and pelvic ultrasound. The recommended MRI I was scheduled for, had to be canceled because of the type of expanders I have had in place since the start of my breast reconstruction. Unfortunately, the MRI will have to wait until after my expanders have been removed.
- In March, I received news that my AST and ALT bloodwork exam had returned within normal limits. Yay! 🙂
- During this past month, I had also scheduled my surgery to have the expanders removed, and replaced with my final implants. I’m nervous, but at the same time excited to finally be changing out my expanders, for something I am told is far more comfortable.
As you can see, a lot has happened since my last post, which brings me to present day.
This past week I received a call from my doctors office and essentially, the recommendations based on all that has occurred, are as follows…
- Resume my Zoladex* injections, and begin taking the Tamoxifen* I had taken once before prior to my second journey with breast cancer.
- Have a hysterectomy*, and as a result, not have to have the injections administered every month.
- Not take anything at all, and assume the chance of recurrence.
So what are my thoughts on these options?
Let’s take a closer look…
My doctor suggested this option because she felt as though I may have had a recurrence of cancer, as a result of my not having had the Zoladex injections, while being treated with the Tamoxifen. This may be true, which in turn makes it something to consider. The medication has worked for so many of the women I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, and it could be a way for it to work for me too.
This is one I have strongly considered however, my plastic surgeon is not willing to do two surgeries at once since I have had radiation treatment in the past. My risk of infection after the surgery would be much to high for him to even consider the option. Once again, I’m thankful for physicians that tend to play it safe, because I personally didn’t even consider this consequence, when suggesting a 2 in 1 surgery.
With this being the case, I will unfortunately have to wait a year or so for the hysterectomy, because it’s something I would have to plan around my work schedule. After some additional consideration, I think I’d also prefer to close one chapter in my journey, before opening another. Having a complete hysterectomy at this age, with no children, will have it’s own emotional challenges to cope with.
After realizing that the choice to not take any medications, does not resemble my white flag of surrendering, I began to reflect on my current way of life. The side effects of the injection, as well as what I have experienced with the Tamoxifen in the past, is more than I am currently willing to tolerate. This may be a bit selfish, but it’s been very difficult to deal with daily pain and inflammation, memory loss, severe hot flashes, emotional ups and downs, and to top it all off, a decreased libido at the age of 33!
I did after all experience a recurrence, even though my chances then were said to be slim to none, so why make myself miserable now for something that might not happen, or could still happen even with years of treatment?
And just for the record, I don’t blame my doctors for this recurrence. There truly is no way a physician can ever guarantee that cancer will not return when undergoing treatment, and it would be unfair for me to put that kind of pressure on such an individual. I ultimately consider myself blessed to have such wonderful doctors taking care of me. 🙂
So after what I hoped to be the shorter version of all that’s occurred, this is where I stand today; Confused and very uncertain of the “right” decision to make.
The only thing I do know in this moement, is that my gut is telling me to live for today, and to for once stop thinking about the “what if”.
In other words, perhaps no meds for now, followed by a hysterectomy in the future. At least this way, I can enjoy a better way of life for the time being and than later, decrease the chances of recurrence with the recommended hysterectomy.
That’s all for now, but until then…
What are your thoughts?
I’d love to hear from you! Click Here to provide your feedback. 🙂
Information on Zoladex- http://www.drugs.com/zoladex.html
Information on Tamoxifen- http://www.drugs.com/tamoxifen.html
It’s hard to believe at times that it has been almost a year since having a double mastectomy. It’s also been close to 7 full months since I started my monthly Zoladex injections and daily Arimidex oral medication. Where does the time go?
While the journey hasn’t been all bad, I can safely say that I have spent more than 70% of the time struggling with the side effects. The most common side effects were swelling in my upper and lower extremities, major hot flashes, itching and changes of my skin, nausea, joint pain and most definitely mood swings.
I am now fully convinced that every woman going through menopause should be given her own superhero name! LOL 🙂
It was about a week ago that I got the results of my lab work, which showed that my ALT and AST levels had increased significantly after being on Arimidex for only 6 months. On July 16, 2015, my ALT was at 27, AST at 24 and LDH at 130.
I’ve since stopped the medication while my Oncologist decides what alternate medication to place me on for my continued treatment, and was asked to have a CAT Scan of my abdomen.
This brings me to yesterday morning’s barium cocktail. I spent years handing out these bottles of barium to my patients, and it was only yesterday that I finally got a taste of what I was previously serving up.
I will admit, the taste wasn’t horrible but, if I can make any one recommendation, it would be to chill the barium a bit before drinking it. It reduces the after taste significantly. (Please read storage temps prior to refrigerating, to avoid damaging the barium)
Other than that, the consistency and light flavoring tricks you into thinking you are drinking a smoothie so, bottoms up! 🙂
So what’s next you ask?
Well… I arrived early to my 9am appointment and after going through my financial obligations, was escorted to a holding room, where I eventually changed out of my clothes and into more of those top designer hospital gowns I’ve previously sported.
Moments later, a kind gentleman nurse came in to prep my IV for the intravenous contrast that was needed for my CAT Scan. I thank god and all of my angels that watch over me for his skilled hand, as I barely felt the needle stick.
After my IV was prepped, the technician performing my CAT Scan escorted me to the room where my exam would be performed.
It didn’t take long at all, thanks to advances in technology. Other than inhaling and holding my breath a few times, there really wasn’t much to it.
There is one tiny little detail I’d like to share in the event you have never had one of these tests done before. Once the iodine is administered through your IV during the last part of your scan, you may feel this rush of heat enter your body followed by this terrible sensation of having urinated on yourself. Please know that this feeling is normal. It has happened to me both times I’ve had a Cat Scan done and the feeling lasts for about a minute or so until it starts to fade away.
You may even get a funny taste in your mouth which is also normal. It happens to me even when they flush my IV with saline. Just make sure you drink plenty of water after your test to flush the iodine out of your system. 😉
While I anticipate my results will be just fine, I will know for sure sometime early this week, and will hopefully then find out what new medication I will be taking to continue my treatments.
Until then, I wish you all a Happy Sunday and lots of good health. 😉 ❤
P.S. Do you have suggestions of medications you’ve tried or want to share your experience? Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’d love to hear about your experience and/or any recommendations you may have. 🙂
Being diagnosed with Cancer is not an easy thing to swallow, and if I could share some words of wisdom I would say, “let yourself be”.
Of course, there are many other important things like taking notes, asking questions and informing yourself of other treatment options available to you. You would be amazed at whats out there. However, please keep in mind that not every treatment option is the right one for you, which is why I can’t stress enough the importance of doing your own research.
Still, for me the hardest part was allowing myself the freedom to openly feel the way I was feeling in that moment without judging myself.
I would understand if your first thought was that this isn’t really relevant to your care however, it’s actually a key component. Not honoring my feelings made me realize the unrealistic goal I had set for myself. I couldn’t accept the urge to cry, feel sorry for myself or even feel anger because in my mind these were signs of weakness and/or being ungrateful. This emotional roller coaster eventually made me feel physically ill.
The truth is, these are all natural emotions, and you having them doesn’t make you less appreciative for the good things you have in your life. I say this because we’ve all heard the good old saying, “it could be worse”. I do feel it’s true and I use the phrase regularly, only now however, I do a better job of acknowledging that I am also human and am allowed to have a bad day here and there, as long as I also do my best to acknowledge the good that has come from my journey with breast cancer.
My “gift with a pink ribbon” taught me that I am stronger than I had ever imagined. I also believe that this may be gods way of using one of his social butterflies to help others by sharing my story and I am humbled to play such a vital role in bringing awareness.
So with that said, I leave you with this…
Free yourself from your emotional binds and know that it’s okay to feel what you are feeling in this very moment. It will take some time to figure it all out and that’s okay. The important thing is that you embrace each moment as an opportunity to love yourself and who you are in that moment, all judgement aside. This will help you cope with the new challenges that come your way, knowing that you have yourself on your side of the cancer battlefield, instead of working against you.
With all my love,
Elizabeth P 🙂 ❤
P.S. Sending a special thanks to Cure Forward for encouraging every survivor to share their cancer journey with new patients.
I’ve generally tried to keep a positive outlook during my journey however, I also want to be very honest. I don’t think it would be fair for me to portray myself as some sort of “super woman” when what I am trying to do is create genuine awareness of my experience with breast cancer and how it’s affected my life, whether it be good or bad.
Today, I wanted to share with you what my experience with Zoladex and Arimidex has been thus far. I’ve had 3 Zoladex injections administered and I have been taking the Arimidex daily for the last 3 months. I can honestly now say that many of the side effects are officially in full effect.
I’ve been experiencing nausea, my skin has been itchy/ultra sensitive and peeling in some areas and my joints hurt as if I had aged an extra 30 years overnight. That of course doesn’t include the hot flashes and the swelling of my feet and hands. It’s throwing me into menopause faster then I can say, “When did that start happening”? Today was the first time I felt so sick that I actually even vomited while at work.
In an effort to look at the positive side though, I’d like to think that if my body is responding this way to the medication, maybe , just maybe, it’s deterring anymore random cancer cells from making a cozy home in my body. That alone makes these aches and pains worth it. 🙂
Well, that’s all for now. Wishing you all a beautiful night!
It was within the first few weeks of my being re-diagnosed with breast cancer that I decided to go out to one of my favorite local restaurants close to home called Tarpon Bend. This time, I sat by the bar and did a little people watching while the thoughts of the news I had only recently received flowed through my mind. In fact, I think it was one of the first times I had even given it time to really sink in.
I can’t remember exactly how the conversation started but I do remember sharing the news with the bartender and talking to her about my blog. Bartenders are like magicians, they somehow posses the ability to make you feel like you can just talk about anything. Of course, a mimosa or two can certainly help get the conversation started. 🙂
Her name will remain nameless as she shared some personal details of her life and it wouldn’t be fair for me to attach a name to the experience but, I do want to talk about what she shared.
I believe she was about 18-19 when her and her friend decided to get free mammograms that were being offered. Of course at that age you would probably think to yourself, why would she do that? I believe she had mentioned there was a family history and since the opportunity was there, why not? I’m so glad that she did. When the results came back, she was informed she had to undergo more testing and sure enough, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. As she told me the story I wanted nothing more than to hug her. My heart fell to the floor at the thought of someone so young going through something so frightening.
After our conversation I excused myself and in the restroom let the tears flow. It finally set in and I just couldn’t be the strong “rock” everyone was so accustomed to seeing. When I finally left the bathroom and started paying for my tab, she did the most thoughtful thing I could have imagined in that moment. She stepped out from behind the bar, gave me a hug and told me that I was a warrior and she knew that I was going to come out of this okay.
In that moment I felt like she was another sister of mine, giving me the support I so desperately needed. I look forward to one day soon going back and seeing her again. I would love to share all that has happened since, and thank her for sharing her story. She reminded me that even though there were tough times to come, I too could come out of this smiling and living life exactly as I choose to live it…
Elizabeth 🙂 ❤
This past month has been a real struggle so I took a break from writing to try to focus on my thoughts. Even though my mind knows I have so much to be thankful for, my heart just can’t make sense of that no matter how hard I try, making me feel like a terrible person. I feel so empty and like I’m simply going through the motions as if I were a robot.
I smile because I know I should and laugh because jokes are supposed to be funny. It doesn’t happen 100% of the time but I can tell when it does because I feel like in that moment I step outside of my body and begin watching myself from across the room. Just trying to understand why, in that precise moment, I stopped feeling anything at all. I finally decided to write about it in hopes of discovering something I hadn’t already or maybe just as a way of letting it go. I chose to share it on my blog not to obtain sympathy or complain to the world, but instead educate others on the thought process I’m going through. It wouldn’t be fair or right for me to portray myself as a superhero.
Those that have been following my blog since the beginning know I’ve said it before, “allow yourself to feel sad if that’s what you are really feeling”. I’ve realized now something very important about that statement. It’s a full time job. Why you ask? For me the explanation is very simple. It’s easier to keep the sad moments to myself because too often when I provide truth about my journey, the feedback is the usual, “Just be thankful that you are still alive today”, “there are people worse off than you”, “god has a special plan for you”. While I agree this is all true, it’s not exactly comforting to hear when all you need is a listening ear.
I may be up and running but trust me when I say that each day has its challenges and looks can be deceiving. My journey is far from complete and even after a bilateral mastectomy, I’m still going through a painful breast reconstruction, am waiting to hear if radiation is still a must and have a regimen of injections and pills waiting for me to start. Not to mention the possibility of other surgeries outside of completing my breast reconstruction.
So what crazy idea have I come up with? It’s simply really. Since most people don’t really want to hear the details when they ask how I’m doing, I save them the trouble and respond with a simple, “Just taking it one day at a time”. Those that want to know more will ask and this way I don’t have to pour myself out to those that are simply just trying to be courteous. I mean, why bore people with the details if they aren’t interested in them right? At the same time, I keep myself from hearing the “Generic” comments most people use, thinking they have to say something that makes sense to make you feel better when in reality, nothing really does.
It’s like when people ask, “Hi, How are you?” Have you ever really taken a moment to notice that most people ask but they don’t stop what they are doing to hear the response? It’s terrible. As a society, we seem to have lost our human side. The side that shows compassion and true caring for others. Maybe I’m just being sensitive about the topic but I’m sharing the thought because I know there are others like me going through something similar and I want them to know they aren’t alone. I’m also hoping that people become a little more aware of their interactions with people and start showing genuine interest in each other. Cancer or no Cancer, all of us are going through something and it’s important we give each other at least a minute of our undivided attention. It can make a world of a difference…