My athletic desires…

I wasn’t ready to jump on the bike or go for a run but, I was determined to start setting goals and accomplishing them during my two weeks of recovery. I didn’t want to just lay in bed doing absolutely nothing. I was an athlete. Prior to my journey with breast cancer I had a very active lifestyle. I had run several 5k’s, a 10k, 2 half marathons, completed a metric century, started mountain biking, and in September had just done my first triathlon. My next goal was to run a marathon.

It wasn’t about exercising to be skinny, it was a lifestyle. I was addicted to the adrenaline I felt after each race and training session but, most of all I enjoyed the amazing people that I met along the way. I had developed an extended family and I missed them. I also missed the outdoors and how healthy and energized my body felt. What I had been feeling in that moment was so foreign and uncomfortable. I needed to find that place again so, I did what every athlete does, started setting goals.

It wasn’t anything drastic but it was a start. My main goal was to regain the range of motion I had lost in my left arm. I could barely lift it to wash my own hair so after about three days of recovery that’s what I tackled first. I found the shower to be the perfect place to start my therapies because the warm water would loosen my muscles enough for me to start stretching. My first goal was to get my arm up high enough to wash my hair comfortably. It had been days since I had been able to do this on my own.

I started by placing my hand on the shower wall and using my finger tips to slowly climb up while bringing my body closer to the wall. Most people refer to this technique as the “wall climb”. Β It allows the muscles located in the area of the armpit to stretch out. It was very difficult and I admit painful at first but I progressed quickly and before I knew it only days had passed and I was finally able to wash my own hair. “Yes, I did it!” Seems like a silly thing to feel so excited about but, you’d be surprised with the things we take for granted when they come so easily.

The next goal I tackled was brushing my hair. I’m not a lefty but I wasn’t able to lift much weight at the time and I thought using my left hand to brush my unruly curly hair would be a good way to use a bit of force without injuring myself. This too helped with my range of motion. I started doing the wall climbs outside of the shower to allow my muscles to stretch without the assistance of heat and began working on reaching up over my head and bringing my hand as far down my back as I could. I was shocked to see how little I could do when I had always been more flexible on that side.

I used the assistance of a small towel to help me get to my desired goal of reaching my hand right into the space between my shoulder blades. In order to do this I would grab the towel with my left hand, raise it above my head and bend my elbow enough to allow the towel to hang on my backside. I would then place my right hand on my lower back, grab the towel and slowly pull it down bringing my left hand closer to my goal.

It was tough and in all honesty there were moments I wanted to give up because it just seemed so easy yet I was struggling so much. I felt like I was starting from the very beginning after having come so far. Everyone around me was progressing at incredible speeds in their prospective sport and here I was taking baby steps to perform the simplest tasks. I had to constantly remind myself how far I had already come within a week and that it wasn’t going to be like this forever.

I was reaching my goals, big or small, and I needed to stop being so hard on myself. I was able to brush and wash my own hair, I was reaching for things in the pantry and making myself food. That’s something I couldn’t do before. I was accomplishing what I set out to do and soon enough I would be the athlete I once was.

While achieving my physical goals however, I was also facing another struggle. One I chose to ignore from the start of my journey. It was during those two weeks of my recovery that the emotions I had hidden for so long exposed themselves and I was forced to meet face to face with a side of myself I never wanted to encounter…

Stay tuned,
Elizabeth πŸ™‚

My 2 weeks of recovery…

I woke up the following day after surgery feeling like a train wreck. I wasn’t in extreme pain but I was exhausted and still drowsy from my medications. I was actually able to get around pretty well. I’d say the only surprise I had that day was the blue urine I had as a result of a dye called Lymphazurin used during my surgery to help locate my sentinel node. I was a smurf for the day, no problem! πŸ™‚

All was going well until a few days after surgery when I finally made the decision to stop my pain medications. I couldn’t take it anymore. They were making me nauseas, constipated, bloated and I was gaining a substantial amount of weight. Within just a few days I had gained about 10lbs. I felt horrible and it had nothing to do with vanity. I just felt like I was accumulating everything and releasing nothing resulting in my body feeling like a toxic dump.Β It took several days before my body began to regulate itself and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable but, the pain I felt from not taking my medications was well worth feeling more like myself again.

My surgeon called me within the first week to see how I was feeling and to report his findings. I explained what I had been going through and he reassured me it was normal. Till this day I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better surgeon. He kept me informed of his thoughts every step of the way and it made me feel like I too had a say in what was happening. That’s a big deal to anyone let alone an ex control freak like myself. I wanted to be involved in everything no matter how big or small it seemed to anyone else. It was my body and I had the right to know what was going to happen to it.

He made mentioned that after the biopsy of my sentinel node they observed the cells carefully to see if the cancer had spread and, to his surprise he found 1 lymph node positive for a single cluster (5-6 cells) of individual tumor cells. Since it was such a small count he removed only a few lymph nodes but needless to say it was something to consider when I sat down with my oncologist to discuss my treatment plan.

You can only imagine how I translated this in my head. “Why is he so calm? I was told the cancer was incapsulated. If it was, how did any of it, even the tiniest bit, spread to the lymph nodes? Wouldn’t it have been better to just remove them all?” I was scared and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t understand how that wasn’t a big deal. My surgeon reassured me and helped put me at ease.

I later received a separate phone call with the news about my PET/CT scan. There was an area of concern in my right pelvis. “What?” I began to have flashbacks of the times my gynecologist suggested I have an ultrasound to keep an eye on the cysts I was developing. Prior to surgery we had talked about the correlation between breast cancer and cervical or ovarian cancer but, I wanted to believe that since I found my breast cancer on time, it wouldn’t have had the chance to spread elsewhere. However, regardless of what I thought, we had to be certain so I was scheduled for a CT scan immediately.

My family and closes friends were concerned. I hadn’t even finished recovering from my surgery and they weren’t sure if I could handle this or even be up to doing more tests. In all honesty, I wasn’t. I was afraid to know that I could have been wrong and that the cancer may have spread. That would have been the second thing I let go by. How could I live with myself? Than again, how could I live with myself now delaying something so important? If indeed there was cancer, waiting wasn’t going to change that and could potentially make it worse.

I wasn’t cleared to drive yet and since my mom and I worked in the same office we weren’t able to be off at the same time. This again was the perfect example of the importance of a solid support system. Without any hesitation my bosses wife told me she would be picking me up and accompanying me to my appointment. In fact, when the day came, she even sat in the room with me while I had my scan done to make sure they had me in a comfortable position and that I didn’t feel alone.

Between the many beautiful cards filled with words of love, prayer and encouragement, the beautiful bouquets of flowers and edible arrangements and the occasional house visits, I had all of the support anyone could ever wish for. There was still a long journey ahead but I wasn’t going to be alone. I was reminded of that again within those few weeks of recovery and it gave me the strength I needed to continue…

Stay tuned,
Elizabeth πŸ™‚

*** Note to reader ***

Be sure to check out my photos tab to see pictures of me taken during my recover. πŸ™‚

Is it already over with…

My eyes began to open slowly, one at a time as they tried to adjust to the lighting in the white ceiling above me. I moved my head from side to side and thought to myself, “where am I”? It took another moment before I realized that my surgery was complete and I was in the recovery room. After a few more minutes of looking around at my surroundings, a nurse came over to my bedside and told me that during my surgery there were no complications and that everything had turned out well. I pondered a moment over what she had told me and smiled. It was music to my ears.

Once I no longer felt nauseas the nurse stood me up and transferred me into a chair. My family was then given permission to come in and see me. I was still pretty woozy but it was so nice to see them again. It appeared as if they had been there all night, due to the tired look on their faces, yet to me it felt as if I had taken a short nap. I engaged in a little chit chat but became nauseas again and above all I was starving. I hadn’t eaten all day and it was already late in the evening. The nurse suggested I chew on some ice chips and sip on some sprite but after begging just a bit longer she gave into my request and allowed me to eat some crackers.

I was so happy to be done with my surgery. It was the symbol of my starting with a clean slate. I understood there was still a long road ahead but, in that moment I felt that I had jumped my tallest hurdle. The nurse began to give me instructions on my post operative care but, after a while all I wanted to do was go home. Once she finished, she handed me the packet of instructions she had just gone over. I then said my goodbyes to all of the amazing nurses and people who took care of me and we were on our way home.

We arrived at the house pretty late from what I could recall and we were all exhausted after such a long day. When I finally got to my room I laid down with the intention of watching a little tv but, as soon as my head hit the pillow it was good night and sweet dreams…

Stay tuned,
Elizabeth πŸ™‚

*** Note to reader ***

Here is a short post-op video I thought I’d share with you all. It was taken in the recovery room by my family. Enjoy! πŸ™‚

Elizabeth here checking in for surgery…

The day of my surgery had finally arrived. There were still so many questions to be answered but, the one thing I knew for certain is that I was going to leave home that morning with a cancerous tumor and come back without it.

My mom and my partner accompanied me to have my lymphoscintigraphy scan done prior to checking in at the hospital. I’d say I was pretty calm when we arrived but, once they called my name, I began to recall the steps of the procedure and became very nervous. It would be similar to the biopsy I had done only there were more injections and they didn’t really contain a numbing agent. I felt every single one. The worse one was the one right by my nipple. I’m glad I was strapped down because I might have knocked the technician and doctor out with just one swing!

The injections did finally came to an end and with my partner by my side the scans began. My mom was later brought in as well and it wasn’t long before they both just sat there laughing. I finally asked, “why are you laughing?”, and they both replied, “we’ve never seen someone go through something like this and yet have so much to talk about. You won’t stop talking.” I admit I’m a bit of a chatter box but, that day I was non stop like the energizer bunny. I suppose my nerves had gotten to me and instead of crying I was talking to anyone who would listen. Personally I think they enjoyed the entertainment as a lack of humor would have made the whole experience very boring.

It didn’t take to much longer before the scans were done and I was on my way to the hospital. My stepdad worked in the OR so he was already there. My dad had come straight from work and arrived moments before I did. The gang was all here and now we just had to wait for my name to be called.

We weren’t in the waiting room long before someone arrived to get me. I was so nervous that to tell you the truth I couldn’t even remember if it was a male or female. In that moment all that was running through my mind was, “when will I see my family again? Will it be before or after surgery?” It was such a quick goodbye. Fortunately, I was brought into a private room and only minutes later a nurse was already in there giving me my gown with matching socks and a bag for my belongings. She informed me that once I had changed and she had prepped my IV along with a few other things she had to do, my family would be allowed to come in.

With that being said, I changed as quickly as I could and once she was done my family was brought into my room. It was great to see them again. Even my boss stopped in to see how I was doing. Of course this later became the joke of the century. You see, I was completely calm before my boss showed up but thanks to today’s technology, everyone was alerted of my increased heart rate when he walked in the room.Β How embarrassing! It’s not that I had a crush on him, it was more the respect I have for him as a doctor. My partner refers to it as a professional crush and says it’s completely normal when you look up to someone so much. Nevertheless, it was still something I was teased about for months to come.

I had so many loving people around me and it was extremely comforting. The surgery was delayed by several hours and within that time there were videos made, pictures taken, jokes told and a whole lot of silliness going on. Finally, it was time to say goodbye to everyone. As they rolled me away on my bed I waived and gave them all a big smile. I dare to say in that moment I was even excited. Till this day I can’t figure out exactly why but, I can tell you it was short lived.

There I was, being transferred from one bed to the next and strapped down to the surgery table. The lights were shining so bright and the room was so cold. I was so nervous and it was then, while talking to one of the sweetest nurses I now have the pleasure of knowing, that I broke down into tears. It was as if all of the built up fear was pouring out of me all at once. She did her best to calm me down by reminding me that I was in good hands and that she had made a promise to my step dad to take good care of me.Β Between breathes I tried finding comfort in those words as they placed a mask over my mouth but, before I knew it, the anesthesia had kicked in and I was fast asleep…

Stay tuned,
Elizabeth πŸ™‚

**** Note to reader ****

I’ve attached a short video clip of me taken prior to my surgery. It will give you a good idea of what my nervous chatter and building an image of fearlessness looked like. Enjoy! πŸ™‚

The importance of a good support system…

I thought I could handle it all. In fact, my main focus at the beginning of my journey was how I was going to balance having cancer with keeping a positive outlook around my loved ones. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry or to think I was weak and feeling bad for myself. It’s not that I didn’t accept this gift and find in it the opportunity for greatness. It was just that even though my mind was able to understand that logic, there was also the other side of me that was to proud to admit that I was in pain, confused, fearful and uncertain.

So many of the answers I had received still felt so vague. I didn’t know what my life would be like after surgery and what my treatments would consist of. There were still talks of other tests and possibly more surgeries after the one I was already scheduled for and it just made my mind wander. I researched as mush as I could and listed out the many scenarios but it got to a point that it all just consumed me. It was all I could think of and the things that once kept me sane were no longer apart of my daily routine. I was no longer running or training for any event. I thought to myself, “what’s the point of training when I don’t know what’s going to happen next?”

That was the second worse thing I could have done. Not only was I isolating myself while trying to build this image of strength, I was also keeping myself from doing the things I loved and that kept my mind and body balanced. With only a few days left before my surgery, I realized that I needed to embrace my support system. I had so many people who loved me and wanted to help in anyway they could. I needed to let them in and also learn to let go of that control I was still longing for. That’s one of the most important things my journey has taught me.

It’s okay to accept help from others. It is in no way a sign of weakness. Instead, it taught me to be humble. You can’t always go around life thinking you can handle everything it throws your way. Sometimes it requires assistance from those around you to get the job done. I reached out to my mom and partner for the most help but humbly accepted help from others as well.

From day one I kept everything in order. I had a copy of every test result, office visit, payment made, everything! I kept it all organized in a binder and to be honest, that too kept me sane. All of that organization was me still having a little control over a situation I had no control of. This was also a huge help to those closes to me. They would have all my contacts and appointments at the palm of their hand and the ability to answer any questions necessary without my needing to be there. I was letting them in and you know what? It felt amazing to know I could do that. To know I had such a strong support system backing me up and with me every step of the way…

Stay tuned,
Elizabeth πŸ™‚

See you Monday for surgery! πŸ™‚

 

It’s really happening…

The following day on my way to my PET/CT scan I was thinking about all of the things I needed to address prior to my being off for surgery. I would be away from work for 2 weeks and home bound for at least the first week. Then, moments before arriving at my destination I had a flashback of what had occurred only weeks before. It all sunk in within those few moments. I had put in my notice at work and had planned to leave at the end of December. We had even found a replacement. How could I move away from my doctors and what was I going to do about my insurance? More than ever I needed to be certain I was insured at all times. There was already so much on my plate. I didn’t need something else to worry about.

I called my mom to express my concerns in hopes of some helpful advice but instead I got something better. It was like my angels were telling me to relax and that everything was going to be okay. My boss of 11+ years and his wife had already spoken to my mother. They told her that my job was secure until I was finished with my journey. I couldn’t believe my ears!! The support I had all around was overwhelming. I never realized how much I meant to so many. They had even spoken to the young lady we found for my position and she was willing to wait and sending me prayers for a speedy recovery. It was like a ton of bricks were lifted off my shoulders and once again I was able to focus.

I entered the facility and signed in. It was early and it didn’t seem very busy. After a short wait the technician whisked me away into another one of those fancy closets with the designer blouses I had mentioned in my prior posts. I was becoming more and more familiar with this luxurious lifestyle. When I finished changing I was brought into a room filled with several recliner like chairs divided by privacy partitions. As I sat in the back room waiting for the technician to inject me with my radiation cocktail, I watched as the other patients were directed to their seats. It was starting to get full but, my cocktail did eventually arrive and it was administered intravenously.Β After an hour of relaxing and going through the many possible outcomes of my results the scan was performed and I was on my way to my pre-op appointment.

At the hospital, I went from one waiting room to the next before sitting down with the nurse to go over my preoperative instructions. She drew some more blood and asked a number of questions. Then she handed me an antimicrobial body wash. She explained I had to use this on the day of surgery and the day prior. It didn’t smell pretty but I smiled, thanked her and was on my way. I hadn’t eaten all morning and I was starving. I headed to a near by bagel place and there I spent a little time organizing all of my thoughts and paperwork.

This was really happening. In just a few days I was going to be having surgery. Most importantly, I had to face another challenge. I had to tell the people closes to me. I chose since the beginning to tell no one until I knew for certain what my diagnoses was but, then everything started to unfold so quickly. I could no longer hide it from them. How could I explain my 2 weeks of inactivity? I was always off doing a race or training and I had only told a hand full of people prior to my diagnoses. It wasn’t easy for me to announce I had cancer. Who wants to be the one to say, ” Hi there, I know you have a lot going on but hey, I have cancer.” I didn’t want to be a Debbie downer. I liked delivering good news, not dropping that kind of load on someone. Regardless, now was the time to start explaining what was happening to those around me.

It was hard to talk about it because the approach many had was, “Maybe they are wrong, these kinds of things have happened to others before”. I didn’t want people to be sad or feel bad for me but at the same time I didn’t want to be filled with false hope. I knew my doctors weren’t wrong. I also knew what my body was telling me. It was an emotional roller coaster but in the end it created an even larger support system and that was a true blessing. I just had to learn that everyone’s reactions were different and I couldn’t take it personal.Β Some were upset they didn’t know sooner, others were there supporting me every step of the way with prayers and words of encouragement.

All in all I had an overwhelmingly positive response. It felt great to start sharing my journey and having so many people to talk to about it. It kept me strong and I am eternally grateful for those amazing people in my life. Near and far, you are all apart of my journey and I couldn’t have made it this far without you…

Stay tuned,
Elizabeth πŸ™‚

 

“It’s official”, I have cancer…

The day was November 7th and I was scheduled that afternoon to see a surgeon. I hadn’t received my official diagnoses but, I was expecting the results of my biopsy to arrive by fax in any moment. Everything was moving so fast. A little over a week ago I was oblivious to anything being wrong with me and yet that afternoon I stood there at the age of 31 contemplating a mastectomy. I think somehow I was still in denial because it wasn’t till I reviewed my results that my world came crashing down.

There I stood, holding one of the most important pieces of paper I would ever have in my possession. As I began to read it, the words stood out loud and clear, HIGH GRADE DUCTAL CARCINOMA. There was no running away from it, I had cancer. I showed my mom (who worked with me at the time) and all I could mutter was, “it’s official.” I wanted to break down into tears but knew I had to keep it together. I was at work and this just wasn’t the time. I needed to get through the day and my appointment with the surgeon that afternoon.

To be honest with you, this was my attitude through my entire journey. I just needed to resolve the issue. I had no time for this, I had a plan! I still hadn’t registered the fact that I had received what I later considered to be a gift. The gift that would teach me to appreciate life more than I ever had and the knowledge to really live it to its fullest. I just wanted it gone and to never think about it again. Of course, this sort of attitude also kept me from acknowledging what was really happening and this proved to be a problem further down the line.

I arrived at the surgeons office that afternoon accompanied by my mom. We sat down, discussed the results with him and for the first time received a bit of good news. My surgeon was more than convinced that a mastectomy wasn’t necessary. That he could perform a lumpectomy (also known as a partial mastectomy) and simply remove the tumor along with any affected lymph nodes. “Thank you god.” This was going to be a much simpler surgery and an even faster recovery.

Somehow, amongst all my fears and frustrations I was able to find a moment of peace and happiness. This was my gift and although it wouldn’t have been something I’d put on my wish list, it only took a short period of time for me to find the beauty in the pink ribbon it was wrapped in. This was my opportunity to grow and make the most of this experience. To conquer it, gain self confidence in myself, and take the leap to start my new journey.

The decision was made, I was scheduled for surgery on Monday, November 11th. It was already Thursday the 7th so we had to move fast. The following day I was scheduled for a PET/CT scan and my pre-op. Then, I was scheduled on Monday to have a lymphoscintigraphy done prior to surgery. The results of this test would be used as a map during my surgery to find the sentinel node and determine if the cancer had spread. It was something I had considered but didn’t want to give to much thought. I could only pray at this point that the cancer hadn’t spread…

Stay tuned,
Elizabeth πŸ™‚

*** Note to reader ***

Below are some links I thought might be helpful to those interested in knowing more about PET/CT scans and Lymphoscintigraphy. Please be aware that I am in no way affiliated with these sites and have provided them for my readers educational purposes only. If you are more of a visual learner, I encourage you to watch the short video included in the link. πŸ™‚

Lymphoscintigraphy – http://www.radiologyinfo.org/mobile/en/info.cfm?pg=lympho

PET/CT scan- http://www.radiologyinfo.org/mobile/en/info.cfm?pg=pet

Tests, tests, and more tests…

After having my mammogram and ultrasound done I was scheduled for an MRI on November 1st followed by an ultrasound guided needle biopsy on November 6th. I was told that the results of the biopsy would be the determining factor as to whether or not I had breast cancer but, once the results of the MRI came back it appeared everyone was already convinced.

I remember getting the call while visiting my partner on the other coast. It was one of the most difficult calls of my life. I tried with everything in me to hold back my tears but once I hung up I completely broke down. Not only were we discussing the possibility of my having cancer, now we were discussing the possibility of my needing to have a mastectomy. It went from one extreme to the next.

That weekend I spent it reflecting on all of the things I had done in my life and most importantly all of the things I hadn’t. In that moment I told myself that once I got through this I was going to dream big and go for those dreams. I also needed to find balance in my life. I was stressing far to much about the things that just didn’t matter.

Later the following week I went in for my ultrasound guided needle biopsy. I was a little scared about this appointment. I’ve always had a pretty high tolerance for pain but, let’s face it, who wouldn’t fear someone putting a needle into their breast. The thought alone was painful after the testing that had already been done and had left my breast tender. I didn’t want anyone or anything near my breast.

They called me back into the room and had me change into a beautiful designer blouse. Actually, it was a scrub top that criss-crossed in the front for easy access but, in the effort of making a small part of this seem luxurious, I will refer to it as designer blouse. πŸ˜‰ My mom and my partner waited patiently outside when they brought me back into the exam room to start my test. Here is where the luxury ended.

They began prepping me for the test by disinfecting the area and, once the doctor came in, they started injecting my left breast with a numbing agent. The pain was worse then I had imagined and for the first time in my life I cried on an exam table. With each pinch of the needle my eyes and fists tightened. The tears flowed until I could no longer feel the needles. Once I got the courage to open my eyes I watched as they took samples of the tissue and tagged the tumor with a clip. It was fascinating to see it all being done on the screen in front of me. So much that the vacuum like sounds of the machine and the voices of the technician, doctor and nurse were drowned out for that brief moment. All I could do is stare at the movement of the needle and at the tumor that was just sitting there looking so harmless.

The test finally came to an end and I was off to breakfast and back home to rest. In the days that followed I was scheduled to sit with a surgeon and to have a PET scan done. There was so much going on and I needed that afternoon to rest and get myself organized. If indeed this was cancer and I was going to need surgery, I needed to have my personal matters in order. For now however, it was time to rest and wait…

Stay tuned,
Elizabeth πŸ™‚

The law of attraction…

Now was the time to get myself in order and start getting ready for the big move. I remember coming home the evening of October 30th 2013 after a long day at work and just wanting to jump in the shower and head to bed. Never mind dinner, I was to tired for that. While in the shower contemplating all of the things I needed to do prior to moving I stumbled across the same lump I had found early January in my left breast. I recall briefly playing the conversation I had with the doctor over in my head, “Because you are so young I would simply recommend for you to have it checked in 2 years. There is nothing you need to worry about.”

At that time only 9 months had past but, on a more recent note I had been feeling a lot of pain and discomfort. So much that I couldn’t sleep on that side so I figured checking in on it might be a good idea. As soon as I began to examine the area my heart grew heavy and my throat felt like it had a knot in it. It had grown! I was desperate for a second opinion in hopes of a different reaction so I asked the one person I knew could tell me if they noticed a difference, my mom.

I had shown it to her the first time around and knew she would give me her honest opinion. “Mom, remember the lump I had you feel in January? Can you feel it again and tell me if you think it’s grown?” She barely touched it and I could already tell what she was going to tell me. “You need to get it checked Elizabeth. It’s grown a lot. How did you not notice this before?” She was right, how didn’t I notice? I was so consumed with my plans that I had literally put it out of my mind. Never gave it a second thought.

Needless to say that night I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about were the calls I needed to make in order to get my testing scheduled. The following day I spoke to my boss. He immediately scheduled a mammogram and ultrasound for that very afternoon. “Why is this happening now?” I didn’t have time for bad news. I was moving in 2 months, had just transitioned from a runner to a triathlete and I felt better than I had in years. Well, at least that’s what I said out loud.

In reality I was scared. Fearful that I might not find another job, that I would find myself lost in a new city and farther than I had ever been from everything I’ve known. I couldn’t even find comfort in all of the prepping I was doing to ensure a smooth transition. I was full of self doubt. In the end however, non of that mattered to the law of attraction. All it heard me say was, “I want to grow and experience life differently. I want to find my calling and appreciate every gift life has to offer.”Β Well my fellow readers, that’s exactly what I got.

After my testing was done I was called into the back room to sit with the reading physician. I was the last one there and nervous to hear what she had to say, but at the same time felt I could handle any news given to me. “Regardless of the outcome there are options and I’m strong”. I kept repeating this in my head until she looked at me and said, “I’ve compared the results with your last exam and this doesn’t look good. We will have to do further testing but, I’m afraid the findings are similar to those of a patient with breast cancer”. What? The “C” word? Sure, I’ve heard and said it a million times before but, never did it make me feel as speechless.Β It literally took my breath away.

The worse part of it was that somehow I already knew she was going to tell me that and even than I wasn’t prepared to hear it. The law of attraction was giving me what I wanted, “a chance to grow and experience life differently. To find my calling and appreciate every gift life had to offer.” You see, I never specified what tools I wanted given to me to help me grow or what I wanted to experience differently in life. I just put my desire out there and the universe delivered it…

Stay tuned,
Elizabeth