Now was the time to get myself in order and start getting ready for the big move. I remember coming home the evening of October 30th 2013 after a long day at work and just wanting to jump in the shower and head to bed. Never mind dinner, I was to tired for that. While in the shower contemplating all of the things I needed to do prior to moving I stumbled across the same lump I had found early January in my left breast. I recall briefly playing the conversation I had with the doctor over in my head, “Because you are so young I would simply recommend for you to have it checked in 2 years. There is nothing you need to worry about.”
At that time only 9 months had past but, on a more recent note I had been feeling a lot of pain and discomfort. So much that I couldn’t sleep on that side so I figured checking in on it might be a good idea. As soon as I began to examine the area my heart grew heavy and my throat felt like it had a knot in it. It had grown! I was desperate for a second opinion in hopes of a different reaction so I asked the one person I knew could tell me if they noticed a difference, my mom.
I had shown it to her the first time around and knew she would give me her honest opinion. “Mom, remember the lump I had you feel in January? Can you feel it again and tell me if you think it’s grown?” She barely touched it and I could already tell what she was going to tell me. “You need to get it checked Elizabeth. It’s grown a lot. How did you not notice this before?” She was right, how didn’t I notice? I was so consumed with my plans that I had literally put it out of my mind. Never gave it a second thought.
Needless to say that night I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about were the calls I needed to make in order to get my testing scheduled. The following day I spoke to my boss. He immediately scheduled a mammogram and ultrasound for that very afternoon. “Why is this happening now?” I didn’t have time for bad news. I was moving in 2 months, had just transitioned from a runner to a triathlete and I felt better than I had in years. Well, at least that’s what I said out loud.
In reality I was scared. Fearful that I might not find another job, that I would find myself lost in a new city and farther than I had ever been from everything I’ve known. I couldn’t even find comfort in all of the prepping I was doing to ensure a smooth transition. I was full of self doubt. In the end however, non of that mattered to the law of attraction. All it heard me say was, “I want to grow and experience life differently. I want to find my calling and appreciate every gift life has to offer.” Well my fellow readers, that’s exactly what I got.
After my testing was done I was called into the back room to sit with the reading physician. I was the last one there and nervous to hear what she had to say, but at the same time felt I could handle any news given to me. “Regardless of the outcome there are options and I’m strong”. I kept repeating this in my head until she looked at me and said, “I’ve compared the results with your last exam and this doesn’t look good. We will have to do further testing but, I’m afraid the findings are similar to those of a patient with breast cancer”. What? The “C” word? Sure, I’ve heard and said it a million times before but, never did it make me feel as speechless. It literally took my breath away.
The worse part of it was that somehow I already knew she was going to tell me that and even than I wasn’t prepared to hear it. The law of attraction was giving me what I wanted, “a chance to grow and experience life differently. To find my calling and appreciate every gift life had to offer.” You see, I never specified what tools I wanted given to me to help me grow or what I wanted to experience differently in life. I just put my desire out there and the universe delivered it…